- Do talk to the abuser if you feel safe doing so. Talk about your concerns and refuse to accept any excuses. Be clear that you are still a friend, but you disapprove of the behavior. - Be there, listen, and stay there. You may feel like a broken record but you'll be surprised at how much of what you are saying is getting through. - Do recognize and praise the good behaviors. - Do encourage them to be honest. Show your support when they are. - Do help them clarify their feelings. Explain that possessiveness and jealousy are not love. - Do understand that abuse is a CHOICE. Help your friend understand this. Abuse is a learned behavior. - Do encourage them to talk to a counselor. Go with them if that's what it will take.         - Don't condone the abuse. Abuse is never okay. Not because of a bad day, because someone was drunk, and not because someone was really angry. - Don't get stuck in the middle. Don't be a mediator or offer to be a "go between" for the couple. You are there to help him/her bring about change in an abusive behavior. - Don't cut off your friend. Reject the behavior, not the person. Be very clear about this. Explain that their abusive actions are bad, not that they are a bad person. Choose your words carefully. - Don't encourage abuse. Laughing at degrading jokes or put-downs signals acceptance of the behavior.