Stop It: Cheat Sheet
Help a victim
  • Do get medical attention for a victim if the relationship becomes physically abusive.
  • Do offer your unconditional friendship and support.
  • Do be clear that you are there to listen, and not to judge.
  • Do accept what he/she tells you.
  • Do encourage the victim to build a support system.
  • Don't spread gossip.
  • Don't directly confront the abuser.
  • Don't blame your friend for the abuse.
  • Don't rush or make them do something.
  • Don't criticize your friend or his/her partner.

    • Help an abuser
  • Do talk to the abuser if you feel safe doing so.
  • Do recognize and praise the good behaviors.
  • Do encourage them to be honest.
  • Do help them clarify their feelings.
  • Do encourage them to talk to a counselor.
  • Don't condone the abuse.
  • Don't get stuck in the middle.
  • Don't reject your friend, just the behavior.
  • Don't encourage abuse.

    • Risks
    Getting involved puts pressure on you to support your friend.
    Your friend may get upset.
    You might not see results right away.


    Resources
    Help can come from a variety of resources like an adult that you trust, or programs in your school or community. A variety of resources are provided for you at SeeItandStopIt.org.


    Have a Safety Plan
    Abusers can take drastic actions when they find out they are losing the thing they thought they had control over. For many victims, this is the MOST DANGEROUS time in an abusive relationship. A safety plan will help victims think about some important things ahead of time, such as:
  • Alternate places to go to feel comfortable and safe
  • Identifying people who will always know where the victim staying
  • Phone numbers of friends and family to carry in the event of being hurt
  • Important documents to take from home in an emergency departure
  • Emergency numbers for police and crisis hotlines
  • A code word to signal friends and family for help without alarming the abuser



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