See It: Cheat Sheet
Dating violence is characterized by patterns of abuse. The types of abuse that can create an unhealthy and violent relationship include physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, spiritual abuse, and financial abuse.


A healthy relationship is surrounded by mutual respect, equality, trust communication, and freedom.


An unhealthy relationship is characterized by disrespect, fear, jealousy, and possessiveness. It often follows a cycle of violence which includes:
  • Tension (criticism, coercion)
  • Violence (attacks, threats)
  • Seduction (apologies, gifts)

    • Victims and abusers can be ANYBODY.
    They are people we know and people we care about. Dating violence happens to girls and guys of any ethnicity, in both gay and straight relationships.


    Traits of a victim:
  • Constantly cancels plans for reasons that don't sound true
  • Always worries about making his/her boy/girlfriend angry
  • Gives up things that are important
  • Shows signs of physical abuse, like bruises or cuts
  • Gets pressured into having sex

    • Traits of an abuser:
  • Insults his/her significant other in public
  • Checks in on the other constantly
  • Blows disagreements out of proportion
  • Blames the other for his/her own problems
  • Abuses drugs and/or alcohol

    • Why abusers abuse:
  • Abuse is a choice. Abusers know what they are doing and what they want.
  • Abusers may lack control over their own life and attempt to control a partner to ease personal insecurities.
  • Anger and violence may seem like a normal way to express frustration if the abuser was once a victim.
  • They use excuses like, "I was having a bad day," and, "I didn't mean to hurt her/him."

    • Why victims stay:
  • Love: Deep feelings for the abuser, and believing the relationship isn't entirely bad
  • Hope: Thinking things might change and get better
  • Promises: Abusers promise the behavior will never happen again
  • Guilt: Abusers may blame the victim as though it is his/her fault
  • Low self-esteem: A victim may feel that he/she can do no better
  • Fear: Worrying that threats will become a reality

    • Effects on Victims:
  • Depression and suicidal thoughts
  • Eating disorders and unsafe weight loss
  • Drug and alcohol abuse
  • Medical problems
  • Emotional and psychological trauma
  • Inability to succeed in school or at work
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder

    • Effects on Abusers:
  • Alienating friends and family
  • Losing respect of peers
  • Being alone
  • Expulsion from school
  • Losing a job
  • Having a criminal record




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